Abbra Cadaver

Abbra Cadaver

Abbra Cadaver was a zombie, but he just wasn't very mean.

While the other zombies were eating brains,

Abbra was eating his greens.

Abbra's most treasured food, the thing that he loved the most.

Was easily uncovered in bins and things,

Rotten fruit on mouldy toast.

While the other zombies feasted, on bruised flesh with terrible sounds.

The only bruised flesh that Abbra ate,

Was an old banana that he'd found.

If he ever saw a zombie, eating the chest of some hearty bloke.

He go and he'd find a heart of his own,

One that belonged to an artichoke.

Abbra had tried converting, his carnivorous zombie friends.

He told them, “Start with a Margherita Pizza.”

He found them with Marg, eating her pieces and ends.

But Abbra kept on trying, not one to give up so easily,

He asked them, “Try some celery or lettuce?”

And gulped when they yelled, “Let us eat Sarah Lee!”

So Abbra tried a new tact, and gave them each a tomato to chew.

But they threw them over their shoulders.

And went hunting for their own Tom or two.

Everything he tried, was getting more and more frustrating.

Boysenberry's made them think of boys.

And it was men with mango's and mandarine's.

Don't ever mention apples, it's a good way to get Abbra pithed.

The zombies told him they'd tried Adams throat.

And we'll never really know what happened to Granny Smith.

And that poor old gay New Zealander, he got eaten dressed in his birthday suit.

And all that Abbra had said to them,

Was, “Try yourselves a Kiwi Fruit.”

Abbra tried one last time, thinking nothing could go wrong with this plan.

He offered them up a Papaya, 

Instead they ate up Mamma; after they ate her man.

Abbra is just different, and he is all alone in this world.

While he is eating his vege's,

His friends are eating boys and girls.

But Abbra keeps on smiling, he knows good things are coming his way.

And he'll be dumpster diving,

Every garbage collection day.

By J. Barrett