Hungover With Life

Hungover With Life

I see people with money, spending it, wasting it on wants.

Where's mine? I spent it, wasted it,

On nothing and no one.

I see people, they're happy, they're content.

Where's mine? Is it used up? Will I ever be happy again?

I see people, they're living, they're alive.

Where's mine? What happened to the soul of my life?

I look in the mirror and all I see, 

Is despair. Failure. 

A menace to myself.

I look into my eyes, my watery eyes.

The sadness.

The loneliness.

The uselessness.

I want to cuddle myself.

I want warmth to cascade upon me, 

to wash away the coldness, 

of my unhappiness.

I want to sit and let it drown me in its glory,

Let it run through my hair,

Slick down my body,

Warming me from the outside in.

And I know I can do it.

I've done it before.

But I need to first realise, 

Lots of things.

Who I am.

And who I'm going to be.

What I am.

And what I mean to me.

Where I am.

And where I want to be.

Why I am.

And why I'm angry at me.

How I can,

How I can be the me,

I want to be.

Need to be.

To be

Happy

.

By J. Barrett